Father-In-Law

Five hours and 3 minutes.

That’s how long I stayed at the hospital that night. It grew late. In that time I saw 2 bloody suspects in handcuffs, 3 exhausted police officers, and 1 distraught woman chained to a bed because she thought the doctors were trying to experiment on her brain. 

The nurses drifted in and out of my area, running tests and taking blood. They thought my heart was having some sort of spasm or attack. I remember doing an MRI, but nothing abnormal turned up.
 

In the end they decided that I was suffering from acute gastroesophageal reflux, brought on by extreme stress. They made me swallow a Lidocaine tonic, and sent me home with a 2-month supply of prescription acid reducer. 

I spent most of the next day passed out in my bedroom. 

That is, until my father-in-law called. 

*Nathan’s voice sounded tense and worried as he explained the situation with Lee. He and my mother-in-law had flown from Washington D.C. to Salt Lake City the week prior. They had visited with Lee each day at our apartment, holding their collective breath, waiting for their only son to open his heart and express his deepest thoughts. 

Lee remained silent. 

In vain they tried to help him understand the gravity of the situation, the importance of taking action.

“He isn’t saying much,” Nathan admitted. “I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere unless you come back. I know Lee said he’s against couples counseling, but mom and I think you need to drag him along and make him do these things. Divorce is a terrible, terrible thing. We don’t want that.” 

Of course you don’t. Nobody wants divorce. 

I felt a steep, strangling pressure over my chest as though a dark cloud of smoke had enveloped my entire body. I could almost imagine the oppressive energy taking shape and form, reaching with its thin, bony fingers to steal away my last vestiges of light and hope. 

I came very close to giving in then – weak with fear, with love, and now illness. I had the proverbial white flag clasped in my quivering hands and I was almost ready to wave it. 

But then another voice broke through the shadow, soft but insistent. Call it God, or guardian angels, or a transcendent inner-knowing. I saw glimpses of the stagnant, oppressive wreckage my life would become if I gave in to Lee’s dismal paradigm. 

I remember my sorrow was so heavy. 

I can’t do that, dad. Lee’s ambivalence and refusal to work out problems is why I left in the first place. I hear you. I understand that you want me to come back, you want this fixed, but I need Lee to say those things to me, not you. Did you know he’s only called me twice in two weeks? And every time it’s the same thing. Lee doesn’t want to work on the relationship. He just wants the problems to magically go away. I’m tired of being the only one willing to act. I can’t drag him along anymore, dad. The stress is making me sick. Did you know I was in the hospital last night? 

No. He didn’t know. Not surprising, since Lee didn’t call much. Nathan cleared his throat and told me a story about Lee as a child, how he used to clam up and give his parents the silent treatment when he knew he was in the wrong. 

“It’s just how he deals with being wrong,” Nathan said. 

I sighed. 

That doesn’t make it right, dad. At this point his behavior is unacceptable, and I just can’t do it anymore.

I could hear the disappointment in Nathan’s voice. 

“Well, mom and I will keep working on him. Just promise you won’t file divorce papers yet, alright?”

Alright. But I can’t hold off forever. I need to hear from Lee. 

“Okay.” 

We ended the call and I collapsed into bed, waiting for my heart to stop pounding. Standing up to other people has always been outside my comfort zone, outside my realm of desire or experience. The adrenaline took a long time to wear off. 

Sleep arrived in fits and starts, my mind sliding down into blissful nothing only to be yanked back into the painful present.  Even in sleep I couldn’t escape. 

I always dreamed of Lee.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy

**The author apologizes for not updating sooner after the last cliffhanger. Thank you for your patience! Cheers!