Monday, July 9, 2012

The Best of Intentions


Lee was the prince of my God-promise saga.

We met on the mission in Tempe, Arizona. He was a greenie trainer, then my district leader, then a neighboring zone leader. He was the first person in Tempe to show compassion for my situation.

They say love blinds you. In my case, kindness was the start of my ruin. Kindness blurred my judgment, made me weak and grateful.

When the mission was over I attended BYU in Provo, and that’s when Lee and I started seeing each other on a regular basis. It seemed surreal, like a beautiful dream come true. God had promised me a husband, and honestly…. Lee seemed like the perfect candidate.  

I never felt any hesitations when Lee and I were dating. There were no red flags or warning signs, no obvious indications of what was to come. We didn’t have fights or major disagreements prior to the marriage.

If anything, I was more than comfortable with our level of compatibility. Lee and I talked constantly about serious issues – how we would raise the children, how we would split household responsibilities, how we would handle financial issues, how we would resolve conflict. We examined one another’s value systems with the ruthless foresight of forensic analysts. We discussed ourselves to death.



I was clear about my expectations for the future, and Lee was always quick to claim my relationship opinions as his own. I felt lucky to have a man with views so closely aligned with mine. The old saying “Opposites attract” felt like doomsday propaganda. I didn’t want my opposite. I wanted a partner – someone who had the same goals, the same work ethic, and the same vision for the future.



I prayed about Lee constantly. Was he a good person? Would he make a good husband? Was he the one? I remember peace, happiness, and a clear impression that Lee was indeed the fulfillment of God’s promise.  



I don’t think anybody goes into a marriage with plans to fail. I sure didn’t. Members of the LDS faith believe in eternal matrimony, and like any young LDS bride I believed that my relationship with Lee would transcend mortal time. It was supposed to be infinite and forever.



I knew we would experience divergence over the years, as all couples do. Relationships persistently evolve. They grow. People change and adjust. The world keeps turning. Conflict always comes, but I felt confident that Lee and I would be able to work past problems quickly.



We loved each other, and that was enough.



Or was it?



I went into my marriage with the best of intentions.

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